Zombies are overrated

That's right.

Yea, even him.

This zombie trend has been worn out for a while now, yet new-age horror fans insist on making it the "cool" thing to talk/fantasize about. These obnoxious fans have this idea that if  the vast majority finds something offensive, then it becomes that much cooler to talk about.

Don't get me wrong, I can enjoy some zombie flicks and games (Zombies Ate My Neighbors or Left 4 Dead) here and there... but that's the extent of it. They bore me at times. I don't pride myself in knowing some silly survival guide for this "zombie apocalypse" that everyone talks about. The internet-rats that consistently speak their mind about the apocalypse and their love for it should be grouped with those who are "ghost hunters". It's the same fucking thing, you pretenders.

The films have been around for a while and did develop quite a franchise/following like any horror genre would. And it's okay to pump some life back into these films... but does it have to be so inundating?

We have the Day of the Dead remake, Resident Evil (Degeneration, Apocalypse and Extinction), Zombieland, Undead, Dead and Deader, Dead and Breakfast (probably one of the worst films I've seen in the last few years), House of the Dead 1 and 2, 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, Shaun of the Dead (I really enjoyed it, though), Return of the Living Dead 4 and 5, Land of the Dead... then you have films in 3-D! And the books! Remakes! TV show(s)! Bumper stickers! Shirts! Hoodies! Posters! iPhone applications! Zombie bar crawls! (if you want to see a zombie bar crawl, just hit up the South Side at about 1 AM on a Friday night. The women apply enough makeup to come off as the walking dead). Even the writer of Juno is planning on making her own Zombie movie!

Enough already for fucks sake. It isn't original anymore and it isn't clever when you make the "Jesus was a zombie" joke. Really, it isn't. I don't care how many of your sheep friends laughhhh and laugh when you crack that joke.

Want to see a neat trick? Type in "zombie" in your facebook search bar and see how many results come up. This is what the fuck I'm talking about. Have some standards.

I'm tired of the constant posts/statuses that read, "preparing for the zombie apocalypse!" or "killing zombies" as one of their interests. And all the stupid pictures (ZOMBIE FEST '09 DUDES) that go with it. 

Pittsburgh's finest

What the fuck is that? No seriously, what is it?












I had to start my next paragraph down here because I can't look at that fucking filth as I type. In all honesty though, when I see someone talk about their love for this shit, that's how I picture you.

Mentioned earlier, I do enjoy my share of zombie entertainment. The remakes aren't too bad, the games are fun, and it's an easy excuse to make things way more gruesome than they need to be. I'm all for it. The 80's ones are my favorite because you get the added cheesiness. But there are so many other great films out there that you zombie-loving dipshits would love. 


Nothing against Bub, Romero, or the Evil Dead; it's just the fanbase. I don't know when it suddenly became hilarious to talk about WHAT WE'RE ALL GONNA DO WHEN DA ZOMBIES COME. I don't know when it suddenly become hip to walk around with a zombie survival guide. And I sure as shit don't know when bragging rights were worth anything when it came to having stupid-mindless debates on which zombie is more dangerous or how ones in particular films aren't REAL zombies. I just know that it's played out, and half of these pretenders can't appreciate classics.


I haven't showered yet.