Now that the snow has started up once again, my drive to work become more fearful. Not so much the road conditions... but parking. In the city.
People cannot park as it is (in the city). Drivers seem to think it's okay to park in front of a driveway, or on a yellow line, or.. just about anywhere. Hey, as long as you have your hazards on, it's fair game.
I work at the corner of the street at a coffee shop and I'm blown away by the risks people take to find a spot in order to come inside and order a cup-a-joe. If my job wasn't in jeopardy, I would have to ask these people what their problem is. "Half of your car is sticking out into traffic". Idiot.
The street I usually park on is extremely narrow and I almost always have to parallel park. It's so narrow that the passenger side of my car is vulnerable to anything that comes up the street. And it shows.
This is just the tip of the iceberg and it's already a pain to talk about.
No, but now.. it's snowing. And that fucking "parking chair" is back.
Not familiar? Lemme explain:
It's the act (it should be fucking illegal) of one placing some sort of furniture (more often than not, a chair) in a space/parking space that is in front of their house or whatever shithole they live in. Placing the furniture claims the spot so that no one else can park there other than the owner him/herself. Philosophy: I cleared the spot, so it's mine.
 |
| Bullshit. |
It's supposed to be funny. It isn't. It's stupid.
It's supposed to be cute. It isn't. It's evocative of white trash.
Because it's a "Pittsburgh thing", that means it's funny and cute. It isn't. Anyone who does it fucking sucks.
People will tell you that you don't have respect for this city if you can't respect the parking chair. Oh? Bad enough I have to respect this primitive language people force themselves to speak in the city (Looking at you, yinzers), pseudo sport intellectuals who only care when it's the start of the season and the playoffs, streets that resemble the city level in Mortal Kombat 3, and sandwiches with coleslaw on them. Ditch this shit.
One journalist wrote an article earlier this year about the parking chair: "Yeah, once you spend three hours digging out a space to park your car, YOU OWN THAT SPACE. Your name is proverbially on that space. You BOUGHT that space with your blood, sweat, and tears. Your literal blood from oozing blisters. Your literal sweat freezing on your brow. Your literal tears from lower back muscle spasms."
Three.Hours.? Do you live on a fucking mountain? Why the hell does it take someone three hours to dig out a spot? Where do you have to be that you would submit yourself into doing that kind of work? If that's really the case, then you move far too slow and aren't hustling enough. Therefore, you don't get to keep that spot with half ass work. Tough shit, it's mine. I'm not even going to comment on the part about "blood, sweat, and tears" because it's fucking ridiculous. It's SNOW. It accumulates. Get used to it. Wahhh, I have to shovel snowwww.
 |
| Where they belong. |
So of course, I make my 30 minute commute to work... but now it's going to take around 45 minutes to an hour because people want to play school-yard games and put chairs out front of their homes. Hi, it's public parking dipshit. If you really want to claim a spot, pay the money and get a yellow line painted. How about I dig up an entire street and place 50 chairs so I can claim each spot? Sound fair?
I feel what's even worse is that people will add another "three hours" to their labor in order to spite someone who stole their spot by dumping the snow they already dug out. So you just did twice the amount of work. Brilliant. The absolute worst is seeing this go on in the suburbs. Seriously? You can't park a block away and walk to your house? Go to hell.
Let's just settle on the idea that: you dig your car/spot out of snow to get it moving and that's the end of it. I don't want to see a chair graveyard on 14th street when we get a few snowflakes and people lose their shit.
I'm late for work.
